Last night I stopped in Kingfield ME for the night. I’d changed my mind about driving to NC — heading for Montreal instead — and finally stopped when I was at my wits end. I’d eaten a breakfast sandwich from Tim’s that morning, a power bar for lunch, and now a pounding headache was letting me know that I was due for real food and a rest. It’s lucky I stopped when I did; the mountain road from Kingfield was icy and treacherous at times — especially on summer tires with a 3,000 lbs trailer. :) I had to maintain unwavering attention to the road for almost two hours — no time for coffee. :p
I made it to my Mom’s place, just outside of Montreal, around noon today. I’ll probably stay here for another few days while I catch up on paperwork and renew my passport. Some of the banking stuff has to be done in person, so I might as well do it now, rather then next year when I get back from Costa Rica.
The plan isn’t firm yet, but I’m considering driving down to Florida and flying out from there to Costa Rica.
Meanwhile, this stop in Montreal will also allow me to fine-tune my equipment — I’m going to ditch the cameras (the phone will do), and pickup a suitcase for the dive gear.
I left Charlottetown early this morning, headed down to North Carolina to visit a good friend. After a few hours driving, I start to wonder, “Where the heck am I going?” I know I’ll be flying down to Costa Rica in January, but what am I doing until then? My friend is leaving on vacation Dec 19th, and after that, what? Xmas is a big unknown. Shouldn’t I be with friends and family? And then, as I get to the US border, I realize my passport is expiring in February (my trip to Costa Rica is January to March). I can renew from the US, but the process can take a little / lot longer… And I still have some income tax paperwork that’s been on the To Do list for a while now… And to top it all off, the flight to / from Costa Rica is cheaper from Mtl than the US! Aside from the chance to hang-out with my friend, the only other positive bit of news for driving to NC is the cost of gas. I can’t believe how cheap it’s gotten in the US. I can only image the price in the southern states! :)
About halfway down Maine I decided to change direction and head for Montreal. I’ve no place to stay, but that’s ok, I’ll figure something out. ;-) I stopped for the night in Sugarloaf, a few hours from Montreal. Unless I change my mind overnight, I should be in Montreal tomorrow. That’ll give me a month to get things organized before flying down to Costa Rica.
I liked the idea of driving down to the US beforehand, but really, how thin do I really want to stretch myself? I figure I can always drive down when I get back from Costa Rica. :)
Here’s a great video from Deepak Chopra that attempts to explain the nature of consciousness. Kelley plays this video on the first day of each new BodyTalk course, and I’ve seen it several times now. It’s very dense with information, and every time I watch it, I get a little more out of it. :)
Over the past few days I’ve had the chance to think about the word trying, and how trying can have different meanings, depending on your experience and point of view…
Picture a little boy in front of a house that’s burning… It’s his home, and he’s very upset – he knows he has to do something, but he’s alone and doesn’t know what to do. He must do something – he must stop the fire – he knows this. The fire is very scary – the flames are high and threatening. He gets as close as he can and spits on the house, hoping the flames will stop… He pulls out his water pistol and tries that after spitting didn’t work. Still the flames burn fiercely, and he’s afraid. He tries to blow on the flames, but this makes it worse. He closes his eyes, but he can still feel the heat and crackle of the flames. He puts his hands over his ears, turns his back, but it’s not working… He runs away, as fast as he can… Maybe that worked – he’s not sure – so he comes back to check. The house is almost burned to the ground, and he’s very sad.
An adult walks up to him and asks him why he didn’t try to save the house. “I tried” he replied, but the adult seems skeptical – “Why didn’t you use a fire extinguisher or the water hose? Why didn’t you ask for help?”. The little boy cries, and would like to run away in shame, but there’s nowhere to run…
In a relationship, I wonder if men feel like that little boy when faced with strong emotions – either within themselves, or from those around them. How prepared are men in handling strong emotions? We might try - but have we been taught the tools to navigate strong emotions? Or are men instead taught to ignore emotions, cope as best they can, be self-sufficient, givers and providers, problem solvers, and a source of strength? Can we be more? Can we learn those tools – even excel at using them? And are we prepared to deal with a lifetime of buried emotions to do so?
I sold off or gave away all the big stuff and put everything else in storage… After a two month trip to Arizona in the Spring, and camping another two months on a horse farm this summer, I finally packed everything up and left Montreal for good — or at least for a good long while. ;-) It wasn’t my first choice, but things with Sophie had been going down-hill for the past two years, and we’d been going around in circles for even longer. There comes a time when you just have to face facts and move on — even then, you try again until even the trying becomes impossible… And so here I am, alone and on the road. Though I guess I’m not quite alone for the moment — I’m back on the farm in Nova Scotia until December 3rd or so, taking a few BodyTalk courses; working on myself as best I can. After that, I’m heading down the US east coast, down to North / South Carolina, and maybe even Florida. Ultimately I should end up in Costa Rica sometime in early January. I’d like to drive down, but the cost of gas — and a few sketchy countries along the way — probably means that I’ll have to store the truck and fly down instead.
The financial aspect is a huge worry, but I’m hoping things will work out…